Ryan Bacon

With the country’s attention set on the gay marriage debate in California one of the prominent issues deals with if being gay is a choice.  Many conservatives are saying that it is and that being gay can be reversed through seminars and rituals involving a catapult and a stretcher.  Gays are saying that it isn’t a choice and that they are “hard-wired” that way.  It’s an important topic for the Courts, because if it is natural and there is no choice on the matter, then any restrictions on gays are very unconstitutional.  It’s just wrong to limit the rights of anyone based on the way they were born.

As a gay male I can whole-heartedly vouch that it is not a choice.  Even as far back as elementary school I remember being attracted to other boys.  I didn’t quite understand my feelings at the time, but looking back, I can certainly see what the rational was behind it.  As a teenager I had a natural fondness of guys instead of girls and found them more fascinating.  A set of porn magazines with lesbians that my brother donated to me didn’t interest me at all, and were soon scalped for top-dollar in the high school parking lot.  I would bravely browse through gay magazines at Borders and would become….ahem…aroused. Something wasn’t adding up.

By senior year of high school and into college I had figured out I was gay.  There was no getting around it; I liked guys and just like stale Indian food, naked girls did nothing for me.  I didn’t wake up one morning and decide that the birds were singing and the sun was shining so I should be gay.  In fact it was a tough battle of denial and self-discovery. 

The main question I had was “why me?”  Why did I have to be gay?  Out of all my friends, why was I the unlucky one?  I was ashamed and felt less human than everyone else.  I thought people would shun me and think that I was disgusting.  After all, we would make fun of gays in school and their love of the “Hershey-highway.”  But I was one of them and it wasn’t meant to be that way.  I was meant to live a normal life.  You know; the wife, 2.5 kids, a house, and a family.  Whhhyyyyy did I have to be this way?  I knew my family and friends would hate me and that I would live a life of misery.  At one point I decided if there were ever a pill to switch me to being straight, then I would be the first to sign up!

But that was then and this is now.  It still isn’t a choice, but my friends and family now know and still love me.  They do not see me as being less in any way.

But a strange realisation came over me recently.  Looking at my life, I am very glad that I am gay instead of straight.  Wha!?  Why this change in attitude?  It’s a straight world, no doubt about it, as the majority of the population is heterosexual.  Many of my friends, co-workers and all my family are straight.  I deal with them everyday and see and hear about their problems. 

It’s a funny joke that once a guy marries a woman then he is enslaved to her.  She is to be pampered and well taken care of.  Females are the fairer sex and need to be appreciated and cherished for the beauty that they grace onto this world.  Well, the joke is pretty real.  I’ve seen straight friends having to buy expensive rings (no cheapies accepted!) and make huge sacrifices to make their female partners happy.  They are willing to do anything for the vagina.  They give up their friends, their hobbies, and their freedom.  Once they have kids then they are trapped for life.

I would never be willing to give up my parties, prides, clubs, or occasional lack of clothing for all this if that pill were ever invented.  No way!  They say blondes have more fun, but I vouch that gays have the most fun (I get the best of both worlds!).  Recently I hosted a life-long female friend visiting from Australia for a few weeks who has had men wait on her for years.  She would demand (not ask) me to do things for her and would make up rules and restrictions.  It made me aware that her “powers” do nothing to me, whereas the average guy would give in without a fight, and made me appreciate who I am.

We may not have the same rights as heterosexuals in the law books, but we may have more personal freedoms.  For that, I am glad I didn’t choose my path.